Vulnerability or fear? The risks of openly discussing sociopathy
by unrestrainedjane
Three thoughts…
(1) I have been considering going back to university, at the grad school level, to study narcissists/sociopathy. Some of the world’s leading experts are at institutions near my home, and my undergrad degree is related. I’ve been holding off, however, to ensure that the interest persists once there is more time between my personal experiences with narcissists (most recently my soon-to-be ex-husband) before diving in. I am not 100% sure that I want to commit that much of my life to surrounding myself with this heinous topic. It feels like a strong calling, but I don’t want to rush it.
Do I really want to immerse myself in their world as a profession? I’d have to be around narcissists. What if I got duped by one that I was interviewing or observing? Even Robert Hare speaks of getting duped in one of his early jobs working in the field. Would it lead to emotional unrest over time? Would it affect my children? My quality of life?
(2) I have a lot to say, but haven’t posted much here yet, and I’ve been reflecting on why that is the case. I frequently have urges to delete this blog. When I stop to investigate those urges, it seems to come down to a fear of exposure to further injury at the hands of narcissists/sociopaths. I fear narcissists once in my life will determine my identity (we all know the Internet is never truly anonymous), or, perhaps more likely, new ones will use the information I post to woo and groom me as a future target. It’s frightening. I feel like I’d recognize the signs, but again, even experts get duped.
I read some comments on a popular WordPress blog from sociopaths. It *terrifies* me that there are angry sociopaths leaving comments on her site, yet she seems unfazed and even pastes their comments for discussion as feature posts. I’d be having nightmares about being on their radar. They are insidious and so it feels incredibly risky. The alternative of keeping it all inside and censoring oneself out of fear seems unhealthy; frankly, it feels like the sociopath still owns me. How do other bloggers feel about this?
(3) I saw “Gone Girl” last night. It was incredible!! I’ve heard a lot of people comment that it was unrealistic. That kind of thing wouldn’t happen. Well, it seemed completely (and insanely) legitimate to me. I felt validated that Hollywood made a film that was so relatable for people like us, who have seen the face of insanity and been gripped by it. Any other film recommendations?
I’ve only just started blogging, so I don’t expect much response, but I welcome all feedback!
unrestrained jane 
Thanks for the follow. 🙂 I understand your concerns. I was also quite concerned about my ex-narcissist when I first started blogging as well. I took reasonable precautions, and while I realise there is no real anonymity over the Internet, as you say, I feel fairly safe.
I suggest that you start reading anupturnedsoul.wordpress.com. Ursula is amazingly knowledgeable and wise about NPD. My other suggestion is that you take as much time as you need before deciding on grad school. Involvement with narcissists (and by narcissist, I mean those who have NPD) /sociopaths requires a great deat of gentle processing.
In the meantime, take good care of yourself. 🙂
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Hi
Give yourself plenty of time to recover, soothe and be gentle with yourself. Let your divorce go through and really take the time afterward to get re-acquainted with who you are and what you love. The s’path takes so much in so many ways! It’s tempting to rush in to discover more and more, try to comprehend, understand and intellectualize the whole experience, to the point of becoming an expert, but that won’t help your wounded soul. There’s no hurry. Relax. Take your time and give back to yourself what the s’path took.
Let the your new wiser self unfold,then spread your wings and fly!
Be as genlte with yourself as a baby bird.
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I’ll keep this short – stick with the writing. Not wanting to risk exposure was how I initially felt but it dawned on me one day that, that was exactly what my ex Narc wanted. He wanted me unseen, and quiet.
By me not writing/censoring myself, I was only continuing the hold he had on me.
Now, I am by no means saying start posting your pics and name willy-nilly, but, getting your story/thoughts out there, it could help those still unseen/unheard feel not so alone in the hole they’re in/were in. We all know how isolating this predicament can be.
Plus, it’s therapeutic 🙂 I look forward to seeing your blog grow!
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Agreeing, though with a very different perspective from the above. It sounds like you’ve been conditioned to be afraid. It’s a head game and the fear is nothing more than a hijacking of your imagination and endorphins put to poor use. Take it from someone who doesn’t experience fear…it’s overrated and doesn’t constitute a reason not to express yourself. Being afraid to do it is all the more reason…this is as anonymous as it gets and is most likely pretty safe.
Were you already studying something in the brain science field? There are a few people I’d almost consider thinking about trading a pinky toe to get into one of their classes. It sounds like a very dark sort of thing to make a career of though…
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My undergrad degree is directly related; it would be a great base for grad work in this area. I’m just not sure I want to be locked into the mindfuck on a daily basis for years to come… It’s one thing to study at my own pace and drop it when it gets too depressing; it’s another thing altogether to commit to immersing oneself fully in the subject for years to come. I’m not deciding anything any time soon. For now, I’ll keep studying at my own pace.
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Check out the Ted Talk by James Fallon (not Jimmy Fallon). It’s absolutely fascinating.
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I agree with Jason and over time you would become so familiar with the signs that your fear should abate.
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i had a blog before this about sociopaths and my ex found it. i have no idea how he did he lives in another country but he found it. out of fear i took it down. i wish i wouldnt have so ive started a new one and i hope he finds this one too. exposer !!! i to feel the need to educate others i think we need much more awareness about this subject dont stop writing.
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I so totally understand what you are saying. That is why you should only discuss what you are comfortable with at this point. I am not comfortable sharing all the stuff that happened in the past, I am focusing on the current developments as I try to break free.
And if you think that this forum is too public, write a journal and then tear the pages. Writing does help. As far as the children are concerned, you have to take a call on what you will reveal to them some day and then make a decision on whether to censor your online writing accordingly.
Also explore what is it that makes you want to study the topic:
1. To help yourself understand? Why is understanding important to heal?
2. Just because you went through it you find it interesting?
3. You want to help others? Then there are other ways…
4. There is nothing else that you can think of doing?
I could go on listing reasons, but you need to explore your own reasons to discover whether you want to study this or do something else entirely.
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Well, it’s somewhat of a moot point now that he’s deceased. I will definitely feel more free to tell my story.
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